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Wednesday, January 31, 2007
8:03 PM


This Week In Stupid Racist Coke Whores & Politicians Who Put Their Foot In Their Mouths

 


"That's hot!" --- Paris Hilton

Valtrex-using whore and hero to all ditzy no talents everywhere, Paris Hilton, has been the talk of every major gossip blog this week after ParisExposed.com revealed the obvious: Paris is a whore, a drug addict, and an idiot. This is of course is no surprise to many as the general public has been treated to shots of her vagina several times thanks to marijuana, alcohol, cocaine, ecstasy, and the celebrity-chasing paparazzi. But, while you may know that Paris's vagina and the Berlin Wall have a lot in common, you might have missed out on another tidbit about the simple star of The Simple Life: Paris Hilton is a coke whore and a racist.

Click here to see the no rhythm possessing walking advertisement for sterilization dance around saying, "We're like two niggers," then proceed to hurl insults directed at Jews and the Japanese.

The short video is hotter than the herpes that burn her crotch.

*In my best Paris voice --- that's hot!*

And in political news, Senator and Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden is under fire for his choice of words in praising Senator Barack Obama.

When prompted about his competition for the Democratic nomination for President, Biden had this to say about Obama: "I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy. I mean, that's a storybook, man."

Biden quickly came under scrutiny for his comments, though he claimed his words were taken out of context.

"Barack Obama is probably the most exciting candidate that the Democratic or Republican Party has produced at least since I've been around. And he's fresh. He's new. He's smart. He's insightful. And I really regret that some have taken totally out of context my use of the world 'clean," Biden said in a telephone interview.

Biden said he was referring to a phrase used by his mother. "My mother has an expression: clean as a whistle, sharp as a tack," Biden said.

Well my mother has an expression, too: "There are a lot of stupid people in the world."

Hi, Joe.

This isn't the first time Senator Biden has come under fire for his insensitive remarks.

"You cannot go to a 7-11 or Dunkin Donuts unless you have a slight Indian Accent."


I wonder what his mother had to say about that.

Perhaps Biden just couldn't say what he was really thinking. "Y'know, Obama's not like those other coloreds --- he's one of the less scarier ones."

You know I can't forget to include the tried and true - "And he speaks so well!"

Maybe he's not a racist, but he's not too bright all the same.

Congrats, Senator Biden. You didn't have much of a chance to begin with, and now you've just sealed the deal on your loss.

Labels: ,


The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 3 Comments

Tuesday, January 30, 2007
1:30 PM


Lame Of The Week

 



Separated at birth?

Moving on, there's really no eloquent or PC way of saying of this: Game has bitch tendencies.

When he's not going at women who've done nothing to him, ponying up delusions of hip hop grandeur, or whining about Dr. Dre and 50 Cent for the millionth time, he's bragging about sexual escapades that probably never even happened on the radio like a 16-year-old overweight and socially isolated boy who finally got his first mercy fuck.

Click here to listen to underwhelming emcee reveal to Funkmaster Flex that he did the "two finger split" (his words, not mine) to Vida Guerra.

"I never smashed it, but I did bang it and smash it," Game tells Flex.

By no means am I defending his crybaby misogynist, but you would think if he were going to kiss and tell, he'd actually have something to tell.

No wonder his punk ass wasn't picked on Change of Heart.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 2 Comments

Sunday, January 28, 2007
12:12 PM


Put It Together And What Have You Got?

 


+


=



Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 2 Comments

Saturday, January 27, 2007
11:29 AM


Shorty Wanna Be A Thug

 

Sigh.

Far be it from me to tell someone how to raise their child, but Monica's son, Lil' Rock, as she loves to call him, looks like he's already jacking his classmates for their Capri Suns at lunch time.

I wonder what baby's first words were? Snitch maybe? I can only image the kid's first sentence: "That's my big wheel now, bitch!"

Earlier in the week, Monica updated fans on her whereabouts - including details on Lil Rock's Christmas:

...AND TELL YOU SOME OF THE THINGS I'VE BEEN DOING. FOR STARTERS I TRULY ENJOYED THE HOLIDAYS. MY SON(RODNEY) REALLY MADE CHRISTMAS MERRY. HE'S QUITE A FAN OF ELMO SO I REALLY WENT OVER BOARD ON THAT, AND I THINK HIS REAL FAVORITE IS HIS CADILLAC TRUCK THAT HE DRIVES AT TOP SPEED AND WE SING "THROW SOME D'S ON IT" BY RICH BOY

Fitting she types in all caps given the fact that most of her new material leads one to believe she'll bust a cap at a moment's notice. Why do I get the feeling that this song, which includes the hook, "Throw some D's on that bitch" is what the little toddler listens to before going to bed?

Maybe it's just me, but I would think with an ex-boyfriend on parole, and another ex-boyfriend who sold drugs that ultimately killed himself, Monica would choose not to dress her child like he's hiding baby's first glock in his pants.

Or maybe Monica just loves the No Limit era so much that she's decided to dress her child like an extra from the "Make Em' Say Uhh" video until he's old enough to decide he's going to continue dressing that way until he's forced to put on an orange jump suit.

If you're wondering, no, I'm not classist. I am not a product of suburbia, which is probably what makes me even more confused. I grew up around people who dress their kids exactly the way Monica does. Why? Because they think it's cute. The only difference between them and Monica is that it's harder for them to escape that mindset because they haven't been anywhere and haven't been encouraged to think there's more to life than what's around them. I can't say the same for Monica, whose had success and been all over the world so you would think she'd realize there was more to life than glocks, hustling, tattoos, and the hood. I guess I'm expecting too much. I suppose that's not real enough.

Monica's most mature album was released nearly 12 years ago. It's not a coincidence that she her career peaked nearly a decade ago.

Monica has gone from gracing the cover of Teen People standing in-between Britney Spears and Nick Carter to a feature in Vibe where she talks about wanting to get the new glock.

I've always liked her, but I'll never understand why doesn't a lot of what she and other glorify get old after a while? And I'll never get why do people like her choose to live a life they didn't have to live while others not afforded that option search desperately for ways to get out.

So gone indeed.

Her career is turning into a real life sketch of "When Keepin' It Real Goes Wrong."

She's gone from the next Whitney to the new Bobby.

No one send this to the Black Widow of Atlanta, please. I don't want to die.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 7 Comments

Tuesday, January 23, 2007
5:18 PM


All Praise Him?

 


Leaders of the Church of Scientology have found their savior in Tom Cruise. Media outlets across the Atlantic are reporting that leaders of the controversial church consider Tom Cruise their "chosen one," dubbing him a Christ-like entity for the faith.

According to leader David Miscavige, Cruise will one day be worshipped the way Jesus is now for his work to raise awareness of the religion.

The article also claims a source close to Tom Cruise says he Cruise already been informed of his status. I wonder whose couch he leaped on in celebration. The source adds: "Like Christ, he has been criticized for his views. But future generations will realize he was right."

And that special day will occur on the same day the aliens the faith's founder L. Ron Hubbard claims the human race stems from makes a pit stop in North Dakota to pick up a few supplies.

I have a hard time believing this, as everyone knows Jesus hates the homos. Kidding! I swear! Don't rebuke or black list me!

I bet five that Pope Benedict XVI will have Tom Cruise bitch slapped by year's end.

For the record, I would like to take the time to reveal that I am the new Dali lama (Free Tibet, pimpin'!), Prince is the new Greek God, Zeus, and Karrine Steffans is the Virgin Video Vixen.

Brooke Shields and Matt Lauer alternate as Satan.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 5 Comments

Monday, January 22, 2007
4:39 PM


She's At It Again

 

It seems the ultimate war wages on between Rosie O’Donnell’s big foot and her even bigger mouth. This time Rosie’s pissed at the judges of American Idol for what she feels was humiliating criticism of two prospective contestants. Hmm, I don’t know how else to describe them other than that one guy that resembled Cartman from South Park, and his friend, the guy that looked like an extra from Lord of the Rings.

Click me.

Edit: Youtube has removed two of the links. Haters.

Notice how Rosie chastises Simon, Paula, and Randy for mocking the two contestants’ physical features, yet she insinuates Paula Abdul is drunk on the job with her one eye wandering reference.

You’re mad at Paula for making fun of people on national television so what do you do in return? You make fun of people on national television, of course.

This must be why Rosie is lauded as one of the kinder souls in entertainment, right?

I understand that she’s on a talk show and that format permits her to give opinion after opinion after opinion. My only thing about Rosie is that she’s a hypocrite in every sense of the word.

Since she left Simon and Randy out, I guess we’ll stick with her criticism of Paula. So Paula is wrong for laughing at two contestants with the musical ability of someone that’s been dead for six months, but it’s ok to mock someone possibly suffering from addiction? I guess in Rosie’s eyes it is ok, since this is the same person that used to blast former View co-host Star Jones for not revealing the details of her weight loss, but never once owned up to the fact that she used to lie about her sexuality on her own daytime talk show years prior.

The same Rosie who called Regis and Kelly co-host Kelly Ripa a homophobe for her words with Idol contestant Clay Aiken, though Aiken himself has denied being gay – which basically means Rosie outed him.

If you’ve seen the show a couple of times over the years, you would know Paula isn’t the least bit malicious. Moreover, you know that more times than not, many of these prospective contestants know they have no musical talent, but still choose to go on the show and face public berating for the sake of gaining a small taste of notoriety.

And these “poor applicants” Rosie’s championing for appeared on the Today Show earlier this morning. The Today Show wanted to spotlight Idol producers “exploitation” of those two by exploiting them on their own network.

Both didn’t seem too troubled. They already have agents lined up and plan to go into movies. Oh, and they must have enjoyed appearing on Jimmy Kimmel, because they mentioned it several times in the few minutes air time they had.

Paula, call Donald. Allow him to be your new MC Skat Kat and let him pop it right back to Rosie. You're not nearly as bad as she's making you out to be.


The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 2 Comments

3:20 PM


Gisele: My Family Helped Me Starve?

 

Gisele Bundchen: En route to Popeye's

Supermodel Gisele Bundchen has chimed in on the current debate over models, body image, and eating disorders. According to Gisele, the fashion industry, the media, and as Mo’nique would put it, evil skinny bitches, aren’t to blame for some models having poor body image issues that leads them developing eating disorders in order to maintain a twig-like frame. Just who is to blame?

"I never suffered this problem because I had a very strong family base. The parents are responsible, not fashion," the model told a local Brazilian paper.

The model goes on to add: "Everybody knows the standard for models is to be thin, but you can't generalize and say that all models are anorexic."

She has a point. It is wrong to generalize. However, the stretch to insinuate that the pressure to be thin is what causes so many models to develop eating disorders is about as wide as her waist.

And not to deal a low (or high) blow to Gisele, but while she didn’t suffer the pressure to be thin (because she’s naturally a waif), she did succumb to some pressures obviously, since she has two special friends in her chest that have helped her earn her fortune.

She’s in a bit of denial if she doesn’t see the correlation between the thin-is-eternally-in fashion industry and the models starving themselves or purging to fit the mold. But, given that she probably doesn’t eat much, there’s probably not enough air going to hear head for her to think it all the way through anyway. Understandable.

Has watching America’s Top Model taught us nothing? That’s exactly why third season Top Model contestant Toccara Jones was robbed: the fashion industry hates curvy women.


She was just too much woman for Tyra to love. Strange', Tocarra. Strange'

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 1 Comments

Sunday, January 21, 2007
11:40 PM


Don't Bother Saying Anything Nice Challenge

 


Look I like Fantasia, but this is one of the ugliest covers I have ever seen in my life. And then they have the nerve to have the words be beautiful next to Fantasia on a cover like this. She looks uncomfortable and unappealing. Like a cross between New York from Flavor of Love and Seabert.


Also, while I have your attention, can someone explain these two to me or should I go ahead and post the lyrics to "Black Girl Lost?"



The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 3 Comments

Saturday, January 20, 2007
1:33 PM


This Week In Bigotry

 

Welcome to this week in bigotry, where I highlight all of the expressions of racist, homophobic, and sexist sentiments that make this country so grand --- for the idiot sect of the American population anyway. To the rest of us it just reminds us that people should value contraceptives. Just kidding. Well, no, not really.

Let us begin with, Frank D. Hargrove, a member of the Virginia state legislature. In a newspaper interview published on Tuesday, Hargrove said slavery ended nearly 140 years ago with the Civil War and added that “our black citizens should get over it.”

The 79-year-old Republican lawmaker (though he looks old enough to have actually owned slaves) also posed a smart ass rhetorical question in bigot-like manner: He asked whether Jews should also apologize for the crucifixion of Christ.

In a shock to all, Hargrove also opposes a pending House resolution that would have the state of Virginia issue an apology for slavery.

Protesters are calling for Hargrove to be censured. I propose he work the fields picking cotton day in and day out for four hundred years then have his children and their children, and their children’s children subjected to a century of government-sponsored laws reducing him to second class citizenship. I’m undecided on affirmative action, school admission, and negative campaign ads highlighting his melanin count and possible dabbles in miscegenation.

Next person lined-up is Grey’s Anatomy co-star Isaiah Washington. As you’ve been told over and over again in the media, Washington got into an altercation with co-star Patrick Dempsey over Washington’s referencing other Grey’s co-star, T.R. Knight, a faggot.

On Monday, however, when asked about the incident, Washington denied it by answering reporters, saying, “No I did not call T.R. Knight a faggot.”

Genius. That’s like Hargrove apologizing with, “I’m sorry niggers, slavery was really bad.”

Of course, Knight has already appeared on Ellen to confirm the incident did in fact take place, making Washington a liar.

Washington has since issued an apology:

"I apologize to T.R., my colleagues, the fans of the show and especially the lesbian and gay community for using a word that is unacceptable in any context or circumstance.

"By repeating the word Monday night, I marred what should have been a perfect night for everyone who works on 'Grey's Anatomy.' I can neither defend nor explain my behavior.

"I can also no longer deny to myself that there are issues I obviously need to examine within my own soul, and I've asked for help.

"I know the power of words, especially those that demean. I realize that, by using one filled with disrespect, I have hurt more than T.R. and my colleagues. With one word, I've hurt everyone who has struggled for the respect so many of us take for granted."

Washington once portrayed a gay man in the Spike Lee-directed film, Get On The Bus.

And rounding out this week in bigotry is Puffy (sorry I’m nostalgic) getting the time honored “____ wake up call.”

Puffy was denied entrance to a Golden Globes after party held at the Sunset Tower Hotel in Los Angeles. He and a security guard got into a very heated discussion over him not being allowed into the event. According to TMZ, five minutes after Puffy arrived, Golden Globe winner and The Queen star Helen Mirren was admitted with open arms. A 65-year-old woman was allowed into an after party before the man who will spend thousands of dollars on alcohol for random people just to prove how fantastic he is to all.

When I first read about this, I had already put together a scene in my mind that concluded with the security guard telling Puffy, “take that, take that.” But, since I can infer what is the root behind all of this, such jokes can’t be fully thought out.

That’s this week in bigotry, folks.


The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 1 Comments

Monday, January 15, 2007
10:24 AM


We Shall Overcome...Someday

 


In honor of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., let us offer you po' black folk some chicken. Not even white meat, the better quality chicken, but dark meat, that nasty shit they sell in hoods all over cheaply anyway on any given day of the week. Do you know what happens when you eat too much dark meat?

"I can do for you what Martin did for the people." --- Beyonce Knowles

You start making dumb comments like these made by Beyonce. Take note.

In any event, it's the thought that counts, and right now I'm thinking about how I'd love to chunk a burnt biscuit at the head of whatever genius came up with this great idea.

Here you might learn something new about Dr. King. Here you can read how his anti-war message is still being spread across the nation at a time when it's needed most. And here, you can watch an interview with Yolanda, his daughter speaking on her father's legacy.

Thank you, Dr. King. We still have a ways to go, as evidenced by that coupon and articles like these.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 3 Comments

Sunday, January 14, 2007
1:28 PM


Lieberman Pulls The Ultimate Hoe Move

 


I know politics doesn't rank high on many people's favorite list of topics, so I know there's a strong chance I might have already lost a good number of you with the picture of Bush kissing his main piece in the Senate. I would invite you to allow me a chance to make this political rant entertaining yet informative, however.

I'll start by getting to the theme of this entry: Senator Joseph Lieberman is a bitch.

Bush's bitch. A selfish bitch. A backpedaling bitch. And worst of all, a lying bitch.

Why such venom directed at the bitch? Last year, after Joe Lieberman, an incumbent, lost the Democratic primary to political novice and anti-war candidate, Ned Lamont, he stubbornly remained in the election, failing to acknowledge the obvious: Democrats in Connecticut don't like his punk ass.

Remaining in the election as an independent, Lieberman promised voters that, if elected, he would see to it that hearings would be held on the Bush administration's gross mishandling of the events following Hurricane Katrina.

One of things Lieberman's bitch ass (keeping in mind with the theme of the entry) complained about most was the failure to turn over key records that would shed light on internal White House operations, some of which include President Bush.

Last year, on the campaign trail, Lieberman was a vocal critic of the administration’s mishandling of natural disaster. He was especially dismayed by its failure to turn over key records that could shed light on internal White House deliberations about what to do in the hurricane's aftermath, some of which include President Bush.

Some of this information has been leaked to the press. Here you can read various emails sent out during the crisis, all of which suggest the following: idiots run the country.

Of course, there is much more information out there, all of which likely expose the incompetence of this administration even further. However, don't count on Lieberman anymore. Newsweek has revealed that Lieberman has pulled the ultimate bitch move (Does repeatedly saying bitch makes this more an interesting read? I hope so, as it's what I'm counting on.) and stepped away from plans to push Bush and co. to release documents highlighting their stupidity - stupidity that led to the death of hundreds of people.

Why? According to his spokesperson, Senator Lieberman (the bitch) would like to focus on more pressing matters like the security of the American people. That's code for I'd rather dick-ride the buffoon-in-chief on plan number 75 to save us from the think less war we engaged in Iraq than keep my word and work on seeing that people are never treated this poorly again.

Of course, Lieberman has responded to the Newsweek article. A summation: blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

You can respond to his response here. I myself have been contemplating on how to respond. So far all I have is copying and pasting these lyrics and sending them to the Senator.

I hope I have done my part to make political stories more relatable.

Labels:


The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 0 Comments

Friday, January 12, 2007
12:35 AM


I Love YouTube

 


Click me.

Diana Ross performing "Love Hangover" on The Muppet Show.

So, is this performance, like the Pretty Ricky one posted on Wednesday, inappropriate for children?

Either way I think it's funny as hell.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 1 Comments

Thursday, January 11, 2007
2:09 PM


Annoy The Nation

 

If you missed President Bush's address to the nation last night, thank yourself. Fifteen seconds into his speech, I became annoyed. What can I say, habitual liars with no shred of credibility have that affect on me.

The news media hyped up this speech as the President's final unveiling of his grand new plan to rectify the abysmal failure we currently refer to as the Iraqi war. What exactly is so new about it? Your guess is as good as mine. As Georgie described his plan, I couldn't help but recall other speeches he's given in the past that shared the same themes as those discussed last night.

Lowlights of the speech include:

It is clear that we need to change our strategy in Iraq. So my national security team, military commanders and diplomats conducted a comprehensive review.

We consulted members of Congress from both parties, allies abroad, and distinguished outside experts.

We benefited from the thoughtful recommendations of the Iraq Study Group, a bipartisan panel led by former Secretary of State James Baker and former Congressman Lee Hamilton.

How nice of the bipartisan group to come together and present you with ideas to solve the conundrum In Iraqi - most of which you have chosen to ignore.

The consequences of failure are clear: Radical Islamic extremists would grow in strength and gain new recruits. They would be in a better position to topple moderate governments, create chaos in the region and use oil revenues to fund their ambitions. Iran would be emboldened in its pursuit of nuclear weapons. Our enemies would have a safe haven from which to plan and launch attacks on the American people.

All thanks to you.

On September the 11th, 2001, we saw what a refuge for extremists on the other side of the world could bring to the streets of our own cities. For the safety of our people, America must succeed in Iraq.

Why is he still trying to make the connection between 9/11 and Iraq? I guess one could point out that the same training Osama and co. received from the military to fight the Soviets back in the 80s was used to orchestrate the terrorist attacks on 9/11 is not a far cry from this administration giving terrorists new ground to prep for future attacks against American interest.

Many listening tonight will ask why this effort will succeed when previous operations to secure Baghdad did not.

I'm still wondering, actually.

I have made it clear to the prime minister and Iraq's other leaders that America's commitment is not open-ended. If the Iraqi government does not follow through on its promises, it will lose the support of the American people. And it will lose the support of the Iraqi people.


So, we invaded your country and made this mess, but it's your job to clean it up. It's your country, not ours.

Victory will not look like the ones our fathers and grandfathers achieved. There will be no surrender ceremony on the deck of a battleship.


The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 0 Comments

Wednesday, January 10, 2007
3:41 PM


Pretty Values

 


I hate Pretty Ugly for a number of reasons. The main one being that they're ignorant. Other reasons include these bugawolves having the audacity to include the word "pretty" in their group name when they're uglier than sloth, not to mention the small issue of their being music artists with no actual talent.

But, you know, I don't buy their music, and I'm smart enough not to stare at them long enough for the fear that I will turn to stone, so I'm not affected. I can't say the same for impressionable young black females, however. Click here to see what values they're instilling in our children.

Yes, you heard it right. According to Pretty Ricky all the niggas eat pussy and all the hoes suck dick.

What sound knowledge to pass on to an audience that consists of girls anywhere between 10 and 17.

Judging from some of the comments left on Youtube, their fans are taking note.

LMAO! DEM BOYZ A MESS! IT HAD 2 B MA BABI LEADIN IT ON! I LOVE U SLICK! BUT DATZ TRU ALL NIGGAZ EAT CLICK N ALL HOES SUCK DICK! I GUESS I DONT! BUT MA CLICK GET EATIN DOE! LOL!

das mad crazi...lol they was prolly horny as hell up ther..lol

A WELL THEY GOTTA DO WHAT THEY GOTTA DO
I LIIKED IT

These comments come from lilsickem04, Sexyladiii, and Gtatiana018, respectively.

I know they're young, but can these dumb ass kids at least learn how to spell clit if they're going to use it in a fragmented sentence?

Not to be outdone Youtube user zaharaluv chimes in with, "Shyt, Ill turn into a hoe for Pleasure sexy ass."

Not only is this little failure of our education system blind, she also has no self-respect. It's kind of sad to peak that early.

Where are the parents? Hell, where are the exterminators?

Since they don't seem to be around, I'd like to pass on a message to these young girls:

YOU GON HAVE KEDZ AND THE HERPUS OR WHUTEVA THEY CUL IT. THEM BUMPS YO. PICT UP A BOOKE. THE KINE WIT WURDS IN NEM. PLEASE. FA THA LUV OF THE GOD READ SUMTHIN.

Pretty Rick is currently on the Scream 5 tour, which is proudly sponsored by BET.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 7 Comments

Tuesday, January 09, 2007
9:18 PM


Some Image

 

:::insert image of image award here:::

So I didn't get nominated for an Image award today. I'm officially over black people. Why do I feel like I deserved an Image award nomination? No particular reason really. I just wanted one. Besides, if some of these people can get a nod, I figured why can't I, you know?

Outstanding Actor in a Comedy Series
Bernie Mac – “The Bernie Mac Show” (FOX)
Donald Faison – “Scrubs” (NBC)

Duane Martin – “All of Us” (CW)

George Lopez – “George Lopez” (ABC)

Tyler James Williams – “Everybody Hates Chris” (CW)


So with the George Lopez nomination I gather they mean all colored people. When is the last time Bernie Mac's show has been on the air? Are they counting syndicated series now? If so, I think we can all agree that since Martin just came out on DVD that Martin Lawrence and has been snubbed.

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series
Dee Dee Davis – “The Bernie Mac Show” (FOX)
LisaRaye McCoy Misick – “All of Us” (CW)
Telma Hopkins – “Half & Half” (UPN)

Vanessa L. Williams – “Ugly Betty” (ABC)
Whoopi Goldberg – “Everybody Hates Chris” (CW)

LisaRay getting nominated for an acting award. 'Nuff said.

MOVIE, MINI-SERIES OR DRAMATIC SPECIAL:
Outstanding Television Movie, Mini-Series or Dramatic Special

“Life is Not a Fairytale: The Fantasia Barrino Story” (Lifetime)
“Sleeper Cell: American Terror” (Showtime)
“Tsunami, The Aftermath” (HBO)

“Untold Story of Emmett Louis Till” (Court TV)

“When The Levees Broke: A Requiem in Four Acts” (HBO)


I guess the cast of the Fantasia movie do deserve some recognition for channeling their inner-slave to get those accents down.

Outstanding Duo or Group
The Cheetah Girls (Disney)

Dave Matthews Band (RCA)

Gnarls Barkley (Downtown/Atlantic)

Outkast (LaFace/Zomba)

The Roots (Island Def Jam)


Am I the only one laughing?

Outstanding Music Video
Beyoncé – “Irreplaceable” (Sony Urban)

India.Arie – “I Am Not My Hair” (Universal Motown)

Jay-Z – “Show Me What You Got” (Island Def Jam)

Mary J. Blige – “Be Without You” (Geffen)
Prince – “Black Sweat” (Universal Republic)

I miss Michael Jackson.

Outstanding Album
“B’Day” – Beyoncé (Sony Urban)
“Corinne Bailey Rae” – Corinne Bailey Rae (Capitol)

“Dreamgirls (Soundtrack)” – Various (Music World/Sony Urban/Columbia)
“Once Again” – John Legend (Sony Urban)
“Reflections: A Retrospective” – Mary J. Blige (Geffen)


I enjoy Beyonce's album, but an Image award for an album consisting of songs like "Freakum Dress" and "Kitty Kat?"

Not to mention Mary's album being a greatest hits collection. That doesn't seem particularly fair.

Outstanding Literary Work – Debut Author
“A Dead Man Speaks” – Lisa Jones (Genesis Press/ Kensington)

“Boldfaced Lies” – Charlene A. Porter (Rose City Press)

“The Legend of Quito Road” – Dwight Fryer (Kimani Press – Sepia Imprint)

"Letters to a Young Brother” – Hill Harper (Gotham Books)
“Uncloudy Days: The Gospel Music Encyclopedia” – Bil Carpenter (Backbeat Books/Hal Leonard)

Karrine Stephans was robbed!

Outstanding Writing in a Feature Film/ Television Movie - Comedy or Drama Dianne Houston – “Take the Lead” (New Line Cinema)
Doug Atchison – “Akeelah and the Bee” (Lionsgate Films)

Keith Glover – “Life is Not a Fairytale: The Fantasia Barrino Story” (Lifetime)

Reggie Gaskins – “Restraining Order” (Codeblack Entertainment)
Tyler Perry – “Madea’s Family Reunion” (Lionsgate Films)

I am not a Tyler Perry fan. I don't knock his hustle, and I get why people like his films. I'm just not personally entertained by any of them. But, I will say I don't believe it's particularly hard to re-write the same story over and over again. Congrats nonetheless!

You mean to tell me I can't get a nomination? I got something for ya'll's asses.

Feel my wrath.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 3 Comments

Sunday, January 07, 2007
3:57 PM


The Pursuit of the Presidency?

 


Could this man become President?

According to the man himself, there should be little doubt.

"A few years ago I said I honestly believe I could be President of the United States. Now, there were probably political experts that laughed. But put me on a lie detector right now and I positively believe I could be President," Will Smith revealed in this interview.

His squeaky clean image makes a transition from entertainer to politician a lot easier than it would be for some actors like his pal Tom Cruise. I wouldn’t vote that nut into a bag of Planters.

And there have been other entertainers, namely Ah-nold Schwarzenegger and Jesse “The Body” Ventura, who have ventured into politics, making it all the way to governorship in their respective states of residence. Not necessarily to great results, but hey, the point is that both managed to make it to the mansion.

So what chances does Will have? Let’s look at the pros and cons.

I love this show, and if we’re going around electing entertainers, we might as well elect ones that are actually good at it.

I think maybe I saw five minutes of this movie on cable before a storm knocked the power out. Divine intervention? You decide. For the people I know people that saw this in theaters, they still want their money back. Will is still a good entertainer, but people do slip up, and I can only imagine what kind of political slip-up will match Wild Wild West.

I don’t like her. If people worried over what it would be like to have Teresa Heinz-Kerry has First Lady, wait until they get a load over the loonboon that is Jada Pinkett Smith. She'd probably convince him (by threatening to eat him alive) to allow her band to perform at the Inaugural Ball.


How great would it be to see Uncle Phil throw this dude out of the White House?

Outside of that, I can’t think of much else either way. Alright, "Gettin' Jiggy Wit' It" was the first thing that popped into my head, but I'm really trying to forgot that song was ever created. He’s pretty non-threatening, but he’s susceptible to a Negro wake-up call like many others, so we will just have to wait and see what types of reactions a Will Smith candidacy would garner.

No matter what, I like the man’s confidence. When you believe in yourself that much, you can pretty much accomplish any goal you set for yourself. Will Smith’s transition from goofy rapper to bona fide movie star is proof of that.

Ok, wait. I’m sounding a little too optimistic. That doesn’t go with the aura of the blog, now does it?

If this country can elect Ronald Reagan twice, we might as well give Will the benefit of the doubt.

There. That's much better.

Labels:


The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 2 Comments

Saturday, January 06, 2007
1:57 PM


Another Reason I Hate Curtis

 


As interesting as 50 Cent discussing his thoughts on salad tossing is, I'm more interested in his thoughts about the words nigger and nigga. In a recent interview with Howard Stern, 50 tells the Stern crew that if Eminem were to use the word around him, he wouldn't be offended. He goes on to talk about how some of the whites he grew up with greeted him with the word. I get his argument, though I still think it's bullshit. But, I wouldn't expect anything less from 50. Oh the irony in this dude saying it's alright for white people to use the word in certain instances yet Oprah Winfrey is the one catering to white people.

Sometimes I wonder why wasn't there a tenth bullet.


Coldblooded.

Before you ask, I'm being facetious.

Click here to listen to the interview.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 0 Comments

Friday, January 05, 2007
10:25 PM


You Can't Blame Rupert

 


I know what you're thinking: not another Barack Obama related entry. But this isn't about Barack so much as it is about CNN's goof. I'm not anti-CNN, but I'm beginning to notice a pattern.


See the pattern? No? Well, stop staring at Michael Steele's shiny,Uncle Phil-like bald head for a second and look under Steele's name.

Since when is Michael Steele a Democrat?

Now, I like CNN, but their mislabeling reminds me of another cable news network that I'm not particularly fond of.


I want to think it's all a coincidence and that someone needs to be fired. But, this blog is called The Cynical Ones, so you can guess what I'm leaning towards.

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The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 0 Comments

Thursday, January 04, 2007
4:20 PM


Round Two

 


Yes. Another entry on Oprah. I know, I know. But I couldn't go without commenting on this article. It's from writer Linda Stasi of the New York Post. In the previous entry, I wrote about my frustrations with Oprah's choice of words to describe inner city children. Stasi, on the other hand, seems to be enraged over how the billionaire chooses to spend her own money.

OPRAH Winfrey needs an education and needs one badly. So, please, let me be the first to offer her a big course in basic common sense. Right off: How in hell do you think it's OK to spend $40 million to build a school in another country when one third of the kids in your country will likely drop out of school this year? And on what planet is it a good idea to build a school 9,000 miles from your own hometown - before you build one in Chicago where nearly 50 percent of public school kids don't graduate? Do I have to spell it out in one of the 11 official South African languages for you to get it?

Where do I begin?

Shouldn't Stasi direct her questions about drop out rates to the government and school districts?

Wait. It gets better.

I mean, seriously, does it make sense to go to South Africa with 200 of your celebrity pals who wore cleavage-baring outfits to publicize the opening of a school for disadvantaged girls when something like 86 percent of the kids in public schools in your hometown are poor?

Mayor Daley, I believe Stasi wants to interview you.


To my knowledge, Mariah was the only one with her breasts out. It's Mariah Carey. You know she doesn't know any better. She was born wearing stillettos and clothes two sizes too small. That's Mariah's thisel and it's not Oprah's fault.

That is not to say that you haven't offered millions in scholarship money to Morehouse College, and millions more for underprivileged gifted minority students - and God bless you for it - but really . . .

So Stasi can acknowledge that Oprah has made charitable contributions towards education in this country. God bless you for it? That's too nice. Something must be coming.

Ever think about building a new school to replace, say, the Carver Middle School in Chicago that's on "academic watch status" because only about 158 out of 500 students meet basic educational standards? Dear God. That's like a Third World country statistic!

There it is. Why don't you get residents to complain to the school board that their kids aren't performing as well as the children in Cuba?

Yeah, I've about had it with you and anyone else who relates more to the country of their ancestors than with the USA where we were all were raised, fed and educated well enough to earn enough dough to run back "home" to lend these helping hands.

Yes, we should be oh so grateful to ole Massa for bringing us on over to America and teach us about the importance of volunteer work through forced labor. We should also thank America for making sure we really understood the adage, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." A century of legalized disenfranchisement? Sounds like a lesson learned to Stasi.

I'm not saying Americans regardless of race shouldn't be grateful for the opportunities that this country presents to us, but Stasi seems to be devoided of basic knowledge of American history.

My own grandfather was orphaned at 6 years old in Calabria, Italy and as a little kid lived in a barn, and carried rocks on his back to construction sites to earn enough money so he and his younger brother, who was a dwarf, wouldn't starve to death.

When they finally walked out of Calabria as teenagers and made it to the U.S., trust me, they never looked back.

Well good for him.

Honest, I understand how you feel about going to Africa and giving back.

It's obvious she doesn't.

But in reality, none of our ancestors came here voluntarily - whether they were stolen and viciously brought here packed together on slave ships or managed passage in the filthy hold of a ship because they were down to eating dirt in their own countries.

Is she for real? Is she really comparing the story of poor whites voluntarily coming to America to the Middle Passage and the enslavement of an entire race of people? Someone slap this bitch with Oprah's wallet.

How Oprah spends her money is her own business. Oprah spent 40 million to help save young girls being raped, beaten, and in some cases murdered in South Africa. The U.S. government spends 8 billion dollars each month on the war in Iraq. You would think Stasi has bigger fish to fry, but she writes for the Post, so go figure.

I'm expecting future articles on Madonna and Brangelina. I'm "sure" we'll see those published any day now. Yawn.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 4 Comments

Tuesday, January 02, 2007
1:07 PM


I Hope This Doesn't Get Me Blacklisted

 


Let me begin this entry by saying that I am in no way, shape, or form a part of the anti-Oprah brigade. Quite the opposite, actually. I respect Oprah Winfrey and more importantly, I fear her. With that being said, please, please, please don't have me killed or even worse, blacklisted in the media and kill my career before it even begins, Ms. Oprah "You Took Nas' Song 'If I Ruled The World' To A New Level" Winfrey.

Now, moving on to the point of this post.

The talk show host kicked off the new year with the opening of a $ 40 millon for disadvantaged South African girls that she paid for out of her on pocket.

The campus, located south of Johannesburg, spreads across 52 acres and includes classrooms, computer laboratories, library (someone has new members of their book club), a yoga studio, and beauty salon. The school is called the Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy for Girls. On the school, Winfrey said,"When you educate a girl you begin to change the face of a nation. The school is going to change the trajectory of their lives."

When asked about children in inner city schools in America, Winfrey told Newsweek, "I became so frustrated with visiting inner-city schools in the U.S. If you ask the kids what they want or need, they will say an iPod or some sneakers. In South Africa, they don't ask for money or toys. They ask for uniforms so they can go to school."

I take issue with Oprah uplifting one group by putting down another. I think there is some truth to what she's saying, as I myself have witnessed this in school.

I get the point she's trying to make, but I think everything ought to be placed in its proper context. It is unfortunate that a lot of children from poorer backgrounds are more concerned with material possessions than they are for their own education. However, you have to take into account the factors that have led children (and adults) to that way of thinking. We have a very materialistic culture that's far different from South Africa. Oprah should know, since she regularly talks about her 'favorite things' on her show.

Please don't hate me, Oprah.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 11 Comments

Monday, January 01, 2007
2:26 PM


All I Want For 2007

 

I initially wanted to do a ‘best of’ list, but I just couldn’t sit down long enough to think about anything particularly noteworthy to write about. It’s called laziness. So, instead of focusing on the old, this entry is dedicated to what I look forward to in 2007.


The release of Teedra Moses’ sophomore album, The Young Lioness.

While Nas is pissing off emcees all over for declaring hip hop dead, let me go ahead and chime in that R&B should be buried right beside it. But, like hip hop, there are a few artists who still produce quality music that breaths new life into an otherwise dying genre. These artists include Teedra Moses, who I’ve been obsessing over since the release of her debut album, Complex Simplicity. She’s the first artist I ever interviewed, and she was kind enough to not make me feel like a complete idiot, though I might have sounded like one over the phone.

She’s the type of artist that creates albums you listen to over and over again – never sounding dated; getting better and better with each listen. Quite the rarity in the world of contemporary R&B. Besides, with lines like “Well I, I don’t think you realize, that you, you don’t even have a chance. When I, spit my G at you, I bet you won’t know how to act (act). It’s that bad,” one can’t help but fall in love with her swagger.

If “Blow Me Out” and “Take My Love Away” are any indication of what her second album will sound like, my faith in R&B may be temporarily restored. Hopefully, TVT will promote her more this go round.


The return of ‘The Boondocks’

Al Sharpton may not be a fan, but I love “The Boondocks” and I’ve been patiently awaiting the start of the second season since reading that Cartoon Network ordered an additional 20 episodes. Those episodes were to begin airing in late 2006, but the start off the second season was pushed back evidently. Still not overly enthused with the use of the word nigga, but I enjoy Huey, Jasmine, and Uncle Ruckus too much to tune off. This is all I have left since Aaron axed the strip. People used to liken me to Huey. Not sure about that, but he’s a much better role model than any rapper on the Hot 100!

"I Love New York"

Outside of New York's sidekick minstrel, I can't wait to see the spinoff of my favorite guilty pleasure. Gotta love the antics people will pull for a few extra minutes of TV time!


January 02, 2007. It's about fucking time.



Don’t judge me.

Miss Kelly

Will she find a backbone? Will she promote her own album on her time and not Beyonce’s the way she did during the Simply Deep era? Will she not let former bandmate LeToya Luckett show her up? Time will tell when Kelly Rowland releases her second album, currently titled Miss Kelly. If you happened to catch the “Destiny Fulfilled…And Loving It” tour, you’ll notice Kelly might be more inspired by Diana Ross than Beyonce is, hence the new album title.

Sony thankfully shelved her album in the summer, offering Kelly more time to come up with a better record. I'm looking forward to hearing the new product.

Also anticipating new albums from: Trey Songz, Redman, Norah Jones, Alicia Keys, Usher, Maxwell (I hope they finally release this damn album), and Brandy.

Still holding out hope, even though it might be pointless: D’Angelo and Lauryn Hill.

I can’t remember who else drops besides 50, who by the way, I hope 2007 marks the beginning of the end. I read on MTV News that he promises a softer side, even pushing for a more R&B-leaning sound. So basically, he's becoming Ja Rule.

It’s only a matter of time before she pisses off the wrong demographic.

The return of underwear

When Pam Anderson becomes the standard barrier for class in Hollywood, there’s a problem. Lindsey, Britney, and Paris, take not. If I see one more celebrity crotch, I'm calling myself gynecologist to the stars.

In 2006 Justin brought sexyback. In 2007, may Nicole Richie bring back our appetite.

Britney: The Cleaner Years

Maybe I’m in the minority, but I think she can make a comeback. Granted, she ruined a golden opportunity to recreate herself as a strong single mother with a good head on her shoulders post dumping of K-Fed, but that’s what money, publicists, and stylists are for. Judge all you want, but I enjoyed In The Zone and look forward to the marvels that she, skilled producers, and the magician that is Protools will release in the near future.

Please don’t blow it...again.

Happy 2007 everyone!

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 2 Comments